this picture told me it’s an alpha male

Image for post
Image for post

This picture tried to order seven Vegas bombs at one time, for itself.

This picture called me “little lady” and expected me to like it.

This picture has no idea who is telling a non-compliant Zach De La Rocha what to do, but sings along on the “fuck you” parts.

This picture thinks it can dance.

This picture told me four times it was going to take good care of me then left me $15 on a $145 tab.

This picture shows off tattoos that were done in a kitchen for a 15-pack of Natural Light.

This picture is 40 years old and still starts shit at the club.

This picture pronounces “pollo” with two Ls.

This picture says its 1/32nd Cherokee.

This picture does blow off a Molly Hatchet mirror won at a county fair.

This picture doesn’t think it’s rape if you’re too unconscious to say no.

This picture doesn’t see color but talks about its Black friend.

This picture inspires female bartenders and waitstaff to go on their breaks just by walking in the door.

This picture has Skoal breath.

This picture ordered six rounds of shots for the table, then said “put one round on me!” when the tab came.

This picture has had three slip & falls in convenience stores for a total of $40K in settlements, spent on coke, a custom hunting knife that’s never been used, and a trashed vintage Corvette that’s been on blocks in the driveway for seven years.

This picture thinks that that one stripper likes him, like for real though.

This picture has cards for Cabela’s, No Shoes Nation, and the Duck Dynasty Fan Club.

This picture does not have a library card.

This picture is of a fucking grown-ass man with a furry fucking hat with fucking horns on his fucking grown-ass head and fucking red white and blue make-up on his fucking grown-ass face and no shirt on his fucking grown-ass fucking torso who has just fucking safely stormed the fucking Capitol because his fucking grown-ass didn’t get what it fucking wanted.

This picture votes.

is a Pittsburgh-based journalist, playwright, and theater artist who writes about social justice, visual art, travel, and her dog.

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